Malonnaise

my emotions are being nice to me at the moment.
so i’m happy.

if they turn nasty,
and the gods and hormones cloud over my happiness,
then i will take action.

i will eat more chocolate,
do more sport,
talk more with my friends and combat lethargy.

in all these ways,
i am both a ship struggling in a stormy sea of emotional turmoil,
riding the crests and floundering in the troughs,
at the whim of an elemental rhythm,

but also a captain and pilot,
steering the straightest path,
my hand steadying with age and wisdom,
contentedness a learned, automaticised skill,

my friends my lighthouses
beacons on a shifting coast,
as i am to them.

the weather is whimsical,
whimsy the principle of the world,
but in harmony with naturalism and narrative,
somehow my life a story,
in which i am actor, director and audience all at once.

i ride the waves,
the vicissitudes and moods,
knowing that i have risen above
and that even though the surf may cause me to splutter,
until i sink the final time,
i float.

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