Googling for ‘boobies’

You’re drunk, you’re horny and you’re wandering around Atlantic City at 3am. It’s time to put your money to even better use than gambling – clearly, you need a strip joint, stat.

Given your urgency, and your boozy clumsiness, you don’t want to have to go far, but being a discerning consumer, you’re willing to go a little bit if it’s going to really improve things. You need a guide that’s right at hand, quick to consult, and knows what they’re talking about. Ideally, you want a randy and helpful local, but an iPhone app with very big buttons would be next up. If it had reviews from other discerning consumers, that would be an excellent way to decide between the various possibilities.

If I were to ever write such an app, I would be torn between calling it The Very Lonely Planet, Vagat’s or The Muff Guide.

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